How To Heal Toxic Shame And Not Feeling “Good Enough” | TCM #84 (Part 1)

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Bernhard & Laura discuss how internalized unconscious toxic shame relates to the “not good enough” program that drives many of our behaviors in life. They talk about the difference between shame and guilt, the importance of healthy shame, the various manifestations of toxic shame in people, the identification with the false self to cover up shame, and they offer several strategies on how we can begin to heal from shame.

In the second hour, they discuss the interrelationship between shame and our expectations, how many highly gifted successful people are driven by toxic shame, the importance of knowing your values and where your desires and goals really come from, the two main expressions of the false persona based on toxic shame, the different stages of healing shame, and more.


A 14-week Private Online Group Coaching Program in Psychological and Spiritual Self-Work
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with Bernhard Guenther & Laura Matsue

Show Notes Part 1:

  • The core wound of not feeling “good enough”
  • Toxic shame and shadow projection
  • The difference between healthy and toxic shame
  • The difference between guilt and shame
  • The interrelationship between healthy guilt/shame, conscience, and self-worth
  • Self-importance and self-pity are two sides of the same coin rooted in narcissism
  • Most toxic shame is unconscious in people
  • The matrix supports and feeds off the shame-based “I’m not good enough” program
  • Healthy shame is part of humility and our spiritual self
  • The two phases of shame: Shamelessness and Self-Righteousness
  • People sexualize themselves, and “sexual openness” is oftentimes based on unconscious toxic shame
  • The trap of identification, self-righteousness, and unconscious shame
  • The false self-formation based on unconscious shame
  • Multi-generational shame
  • Shame-based relationships
  • Inner child work is imperative
  • The different stages of healing shame
  • The importance of seeking out help
  • Unfulfilled childhood needs and adult relationships
  • Society’s view of success and toxic shame

In Part 2 (only for members), we go deeper into:

  • The interrelationship between shame, our behaviors, and our expectations (idealized self)
  • Unconscious shame around money and relationships
  • The trap of looking for happiness and fulfillment externally (shame-driven)
  • Question where your values, desires, aims, and goals come from
  • Healthy shame points to our limitations with a grounded humility
  • People want short-cuts [insert any “goal”] but don’t invest their time, energy, and effort to study/learn or develop themselves
  • The benefits of conscious struggle
  • The importance of knowing your real values in life
  • Two expressions of the false persona based on toxic shame: the successful super-achieving perfectionist (hailed by society as the “role model”) and the addict in the alley (seen by society as the “loser”)
  • Many highly gifted successful people are driven by deep-seated chronic depression and toxic shame
  • Many goals, aims, and desires people have are a cover-up for toxic shame, trying to fill a hole within
  • Being and Doing
  • Toxic shame is spiritual bankruptcy
  • How toxic shame originates in childhood with shame-based parents
  • Bernhard’s and Laura’s story of dealing with toxic shame
  • The shadow side of the “new man movement” and polarity teachings focused on personality traits in “how a real man is supposed to behave”
  • The more you base your internal state of “happiness” on external things, relationships, achievements, etc., the more you are acting from the false self
  • Soul/essence qualities vs. personality traits
  • We can “waste time” and get stuck in our soul evolution

Go HERE to listen to Part 2 if you’re a member or REGISTER to become a member to have access to the membership section (including the membership forum.)

[Intro and outro music clip by Seeded Vision]

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